Resiliency is something that is developed and learned through adversity and struggle. It is an internal process and it is unique to each individual. Resiliency is not a product that can be given through lectures, treats, lessons, etc. (external) and there are no quick answers. Just think about your own experience with learning resiliency. When we look at kids struggling emotionally and behaviorally, there are a few critical things they need to develop resiliency.
- Support – Adults active listening to their thoughts, feelings, hurts, and pains with the desire to understand and empathize.
- The space to grieve what they missed out on, what they will never have, and what the loss has done to them.
- Healthy Boundaries for poor coping skills and behavior (temper tantrums, lying, stealing, cheating, running, etc.)
- Encouragement to adjust to the “new normal”, to learn and use healthy coping skills, to develop their own creativity, purpose, and passions.
By nature, human beings have an intuition of what they need to heal. As children work through their feelings, thoughts, and belief systems, they learn more about themselves and are then able to find their meaning, purpose, strengths, and creativity. Finding meaning in their struggle will help them overcome adversity and ultimately reach their goals and dreams. Victor Frankl’s book “Man Search for Meaning” is a great resource in understanding this. We use our Healing Children House/philosophy when working with children to help them have the needed accountability for poor/unhealthy coping skills and the appropriate support to work through their hurts and pains. Through this process the child will develop healthy coping skills, confidence, and maturity = RESILENCY.